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What the NSA Learned When They Tapped My Phone This Week
06/13/2013

“For years, intelligence officials have tried to debunk what they called a popular myth about the National Security Agency: that its electronic net routinely sweeps up information about millions of Americans. But since the disclosures last week showing that the agency does indeed routinely collect data on the phone calls of millions of Americans, Obama administration officials have struggled to explain what now appear to have been misleading past statements.” -The New York Times, June 11, 2013

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Report #493849

Subject: Jason Lacey

Age: 37

Occupation: Attorney (or so he says)

# # #

Saturday 6/8, 12:45 pm: Met wife and children at Chick-fil-A for lunch. *Flag for possible Tea Party affiliation.

Sunday 6/9, 5:32 pm: Ordered pizza; cheese with no sauce. *Flag for possible un-American activity. (Who gets pizza without sauce?)

Sunday 6/9, 8:16 pm: Downloaded Angry Birds app.

Monday 6/10, 3:24 pm: Text from wife; daughter went to dentist to have cavity filled; went fine.

Monday 6/10, 4:52 pm: Text to wife; proposes to make pasta with tomato sauce for dinner. *Scratch flag for possible un-American activity.

Monday 6/10, 10:48 pm: Plays Angry Birds.

Tuesday 6/11, 12:30 pm: Text from wife; buys coffee at Starbucks. *Scratch flag for possible Tea Party affiliation.

Wednesday 6/12, 7:15 pm: Phone call with mother; needs to finish her tax return. *Flag for possible tax evasion conspiracy.

Wednesday 6/12, 7:19 pm: Plays Angry Birds.

Wednesday 6/12, 7:32 pm: Phone call with mother; she's getting a refund. *Scratch flag for possible tax evasion conspiracy.

Wednesday 6/12, 9:11 pm: Text to wife; stopped for speeding; 30 mph in a 20 mph zone. *Flag for possible pattern of criminal activity.

Wednesday 6/12, 11:24 pm: Plays Angry Birds.

Thursday 6/13, 8:02 am: Text to wife; dropped off daughters at day care; getting a haircut. 

Thursday 6/13, 2:03 pm: Text to wife; late lunch; turkey sandwich and a salad.

Thursday 6/13, 5:42 pm: Text from wife; stops at grocery store for ice.

Thursday 6/13, 8:32 pm: Plays Angry Birds.

Thursday 6/13, 11:46 pm: Deletes Angry Birds app; downloads couch-to-5k app; sets alarm for 5:30 am.

Thursday 6/13, 11:53 pm: Reinstalls Angry Birds app.

Friday 6/14, 12:43 am: Deletes couch-to-5k app; resets alarm for 6:45 am.

# # #

Security Risk Analysis and Recommendation: Further surveillance would be detrimental to national security, as it is likely to induce severe agent boredom and apathy. Recommend to discontinue surveillance until further notice.

 

 

 


Editors
Don Berner Image
Don Berner, the Labor Law, OSHA, & Immigration Law Guy
Boyd Byers Image
Boyd Byers, the General Employment Law Guy
Jason Lacey Image
Jason Lacey, the Employee Benefits Guy
Additional Sources
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